Monday, 9 May 2011

My 'fake' chest and my first night out!

So this weekend had a lot of firsts for me.

1. The first time I was away from Mads for more than a couple of hours.
2. The first time I have been out drinking properly in about a year.
3. The first time I dressed as a ladybird.
4. And the first time someone asked me if my boobs were real or fake.

This weekend I went to Manchester for my friend's hen do.  If I am perfectly honest I was absolutely dreading it for a number of reasons, the main one being the complications with breastfeeding.  Luckily Mr E's parents live near Manchester so he travelled up with Mads and went to his Mum's so at least they were both close by.  I was originally due to be staying the night with the other hen's but decided that I would rather go back to his Mum's later on at around 12am.  I was so nervous about the lack of breastfeeding as I was away from Mads most of the day and the night.

I had expressed a lot of milk for her throughout the week so I wasn't worried about this but I was concerned about how my boobs were going to cope with her not feeding off them for a long time.  The breast pump I use is a hospital grade electric monster so I didn't feel comfortable bringing that with me.  I therefore bought a rubbish, cheap manual pump to use.  

We went to an 80's dance lesson and ouch they were hurting as I was bobbing around to Flashdance and Fame.  (Badly I might add- I have the rhythm of a dying wasp)  We then got home and while we were all getting ready to go out I sat on the bed and attached myself to this manual pump.  It took about half an hour to get even an ounce from one side, it was just awful and by the end of doing it my hand was hurting rather a lot.  We then got dressed in our ladybird outfits and played some drinking games and therefore I didn't have chance to express again, so armed with spare breast pads (oh the glamour!) off out I went.  

It wasn't long before I started to notice that my breasts were causing a bit of a stir. (And that wasn't just me being self confident because I had a few Vodka and Oranges in me!)  Lots of sleazy, drunken men were having a sneaky peek at my red and black ladybird chest.  Now I have never been as flat as a pancake but this new found attention was rather out of the blue and alarming.

Myself and two other girls were sat down in one bar when a guy from a stag do asked to take a photo of us.  Being rather tipsy by this point we didn't protest but just smiled awkwardly at the camera before we realised that it wasn't being pointed at the three of us at all, the cheeky sod was pointing it directly at my boobs.  My friend shrieked at him and asked him what he was doing.  He just laughed and said that him and his friends were wondering if they were fake or real.  Even in my drunken state, I have never been so embarrassed in my life and my cheeks went as red as my ladybird outfit. 

However the whole situation became even more mortifying when my friend turned to the guy and said 'No they are not fake, they are full of milk to feed her baby thank you very much.'  At that point if the ground had opened up, I would have happily jumped inside.  Needless to say the man couldn't have run away quick enough.

Mr E came to pick me up around midnight and by the time he arrived, my breasts were painful, swollen, rock hard and could have easily given Pamela Anderson a run for her money.  Not only that but they were so veiny!  Not a good look at all, and when I got back to his mum's I had to express for ages.  And let me tell you, operating a breast pump while drunk is not easy at all!

All in all, embarrassing incidents aside, I had a great time.  It was nice to let my hair down and feel like I was back in the old days again.  However I also realised that I am no longer as confident as I was.  I have never been particularly confident about the way I look but I felt really self conscious in my outfit and look back at the photos that were taken and cringe.  I really don't like my post pregnancy figure.  However my body brought me Mads and I missed her like crazy, even for a short time.  Going out made going home to her even better.

On the plus side as well, I now have a very cheap night out.  A couple of glasses is more than enough for me!  And I am proud I survived another feeding milestone!!


Anonymous said...

Glamorous it is not, but like you say they're worth it. Great post x

Mummy and the Beastie said...

Ooh they get so painful don't they! Poor you feeling self conscious. I know mine weren't huge but I don't think I saw them the way others did. I was admittedly still wearing a C cup and someone told me they looked like F's! The thing is when you are breastfeeding you don't want anyone associating sexy thoughts with them, they're for your baby afterall!

Well done you for surviving a night out. I am still a cheap date. There is no hope for us with baby brain thrown into the mix! :-) xx

Mrs E said...

I know it is awful isn't it but I don't think of them as being sexual at all anymore! x

SAHMlovingit said...

Ooooh it hurts like hell doesn't it? I still remember the pain so vividly. It is amazing how quickly our little ones become part of us and we miss them for even the shortest amount of time sometimes.

Glad you had a good night though, it does us all good to get out once in a while.


would like to be a yummy mummy said...

aaah bless! This did make me chuckle a bit, especially the real or fake bit. Good on you for getting out there and having fun though!

Sandy Calico said...

LOL at you drunk in charge of a breast pump! Glad you had a good night out x