So it's Flashback Friday time again and I have decided after my post yesterday about how I 'Used to be Cool' (not really!!) I would write about the memory of the last drunken night out I had with all my friends- my hen do.
My hen weekend was in November 2009. We got married a month afterwards in December and then I fell pregnant in the March, so it was my last real night out with my girl friends.
My bridesmaids and another one of my good friends had the task of planning my hen do. I had no strict requirements so I ultimately let them decide, the only thing I wanted was for it to be a surprise.
I knew that we were going to Newcastle but apart from that I knew none of the other details until we got there.
My friends totally surpassed themselves and I couldn't have asked for a better 'last weekend of freedom.'
They had hired us a penthouse apartment in Newcastle and on the Friday night we decided that we were just going to have a couple of drinks and a girls night in chatting and reminising.
It started off that way...
However it soon progressed to us deciding it would be a good idea to go out into Newcastle city centre in our pj's.
This is how our 'quiet' night in ended up.
The next day they told me that we were going to do a secret activity. This turned out to be pole dancing.
Anyone who knows me knows that I have absolutely no rhythm or coordination so I was a little nervous about the whole experience. However the instructor was really good fun and we all had to dress up in the costumes that she provided. I got the 'bride' outfit which looked like something the Bride of Frankenstein wouldn't even be seen dead in.
I can definitely say that pole dancing was not my forte!
On the Saturday evening my bridesmaids presented us with coloured tights and we all wore black dresses. We had some cocktails in our apartment and they organised me a 'Mr and Mrs' quiz. They had already asked Mr E some questions and we had to see if our answers matched. I am pleased to say I did quite well.
We all went out again, first to a teppenyaki restaurant which was really nice and then to a karaoke bar, where we managed to get the whole bar up and dancing on the tables! We then went and danced the night away in a cheesy nightclub. (The last time I was in a nightclub!)
This is how the second night ended. The perils of high heels!
All in all it was a fabulous weekend and it made me realise how lucky I am to have such brilliant friends. Unfortunately none of them live near me since we moved, a lot are in London, and a lot are up North but we talk on the phone all the time, and they really are the best friends I could ask for. We all are at such different stages in our lives, some are married with children, some are in long term relationships, some are single, some are travelling, some are working, but I know that if I needed them they would be there in a flash.
I enjoy nights like this occasionally but it has been so long now, I think I would be tucked up in bed after one glass of wine!
Now head over to Karin's abode and check out some more...
We went out for dinner last night to celebrate my Mum's birthday and were having a jokey discussion with my sister and stepsister and her boyfriend about how we honestly 'used to be cool!' My step sister used to live in America until a year ago so we have only known her and her boyfriend since she moved back to the UK. When she first arrived I was 12 weeks pregnant so she has only ever known me as a Mum to be and a Mummy.
I was joking around with them all and saying that when Mr E and I met we honestly were good fun! It was all said in jest but it did get me thinking. Has parenthood changed us?
Take a look at these two photos.
The first one is when Mr E and I first got together. Life was just one big haze of pulling all nighters, drinking far too much, and having no cares in the world except which outfit to wear on a night out and which cocktail to choose. I was working in a bar having finished university and was just enjoying myself. We had no responsibilities. I lived in a gorgeous rented flat in Leeds city centre and all my money went on clothes, alcohol and going out to nice restaurants.
The second one was taken on Mother's Day just recently. Life is now completely different. We have a lot of responsibilities, we are parents, we have a huge mortgage and money is tight because all our wages go on paying our outgoing bills. We both have different jobs, I am an account manager (when not on maternity leave eating cake) and Mr E is a web designer. I get tipsy after a glass of wine and I haven't been in a nightclub for well over a year. I can't remember the last time I was outrageously drunk.
We have physically changed in the photos.
Six years has passed and we look older. My hair is not so shiny and long and I have realised that sunbeds are bad for you. Mr E's hair is going a little thin up top. (He told me yesterday he reads my blog at work so I need to be careful what I say!) We both have added a few pounds to our waistlines!
But its not the physical differences that I am talking about.
Its the emotional changes that you can't see.
Have we changed since having our beautiful Mads? The answer is yes we have. Not in a bad way, just different. And not really since having our daughter, just since 'growing up' and having responsibilities.
We don't have the money to go out all the time. And I most certainly wouldn't want to anymore. I would much prefer to go out and have dinner in a nice restaurant than go to a nightclub. I would still like to buy lots of clothes but now I enjoy buying them for Mads even more.
I do worry that we don't get to have time as a couple as much anymore but we are lucky that my Mum loves babysitting Mads so we try and go out for a drink for an hour once a week. Life gets in the way and we don't have much disposable income but buying our home is helping us secure our future. Compared to a lot of people we are very lucky that we have managed to get on the property ladder so we shouldn't complain. In a few years once we change our mortgage deal we will be in a fortunate position so its just a case of muddling along financially until then. We get tired, we snap at each other occasionally but we are so lucky.
Lucky to have such a beautiful girl, lucky to have a fabulous home, lucky to have a supportive family and lucky to have each other.
Yes a Slippery Nipple is more likely to be something to do with breastfeeding than an alcoholic shot these days but I wouldn't change it for the world.
However I know what we used to get up too, so when we have these discussions in the future I can safely relax in the knowledge that we did 'use to be cool!'
There is one thing that I have a real issue with when it comes to taking Mads out and about.
If she cries...
Unfortunately she is a ticking time bomb and can cry at any opportunity. She generally is a good little girl but like all babies, can occasionally have grumpy days. (Can't we all!)
The other day I went out for lunch with my Mum to a nice pub. I don't get to spend much quality time with her so I was really looking forward to relaxing with a glass of wine and having a chat. As soon as we walked in I noticed that it was rather busy. Mads was asleep in her pram and we sat down opposite a large group of about fifteen older ladies. Straight away I clocked them and mentioned to my mum that I hoped Mads didn't wake up.
We received our main meals and unfortunately Mads did wake up. However she woke up in a great mood and was smiling and giggling away. She was due a feed and fortunately I had bought a bottle of expressed milk with me, so as I was having risotto and my Mum was having a salad, she said she would feed her while I finished my lunch.
She wolfed down her bottle and then I think she got some trapped wind. She started whinging a little, literally just a small amount. I am perfectly happy to admit when she is being a terror and she can scream the house down when she wants too, but this literally was the tiniest whimper which lasted about three seconds. I was facing the group of ladies and as soon as she did it I turned my attention to them because I could see them all looking at each other. I noticed that a couple of them tutted and rolled their eyes.
I felt so uncomfortable and said to my Mum that I would take her outside. She told me not too, that she was fine and she wasn't making a noise at this point.
I carried on eating my lunch and Mads was as good as gold perching on my Mum's shoulder. My Mum then went to move her on to the other shoulder and she whimpered again and then stopped. Again I saw the same couple of ladies in the group look at each other and tut. One actually whispered 'This is enjoyable over lunch,' it was loud enough for me to hear.
I got up and took Mads while my mum finished her meal and as I stood up I caught one of the ladies eyes. This actually was one of the nicer ones who had smiled at me when we arrived. I turned to her and apologised if we were disturbing their lunch. She smiled and said 'Oh don't worry at all, she is being a very good girl, I haven't heard a peep out of her.' She then started chatting to Mads and cooing over her. They then all started asking me about how old she was, what was her name etc. The two women that had tutted then at least had the decency to look down at their dinner plates.
The whole situation made me feel really uncomfortable and really made me wonder about these ladies. I am a polite person and would never even dream of saying something to anyone but they made me really cross. I am sure that they had children or grandchildren themselves and I wonder how they would feel if someone was making their daughter feel uncomfortable.
Doesn't a baby have just as much right to eat her lunch as they do?
I could understand if she was screaming the place down, but she barely made a whimper. Unfortunately there are always going to be people like this around and I think that we all need to remember that we were all babies once.
Rant over!
I have been tagged by Mammy Dolittle in the Question and Answers meme that's going around from The Guardian.
Without further ado here goes....
Which living person do I most admire and why?
I admire my mum more than anyone else. Not for what she has done career wise, but for what she has sacrificed over the years for me and my sister. She has not been very happy in relationships which is such a shame, but even though she has been hurt terribly she will always put us first. I do not go a day without speaking to her and I only hope that I can be as good a mummy to Mads as she has been to me.
When were you happiest?
I have been the happiest since I met my husband as we go through the course of our lives together. We met during a real crazy, party stage of ours, where all our nights were spent getting drunk and not going to sleep. We then grew up and got a mortgage and got married which was just the most amazing day of my life. Now we have Mads and our journey has taken a completely different path. Different but still happy. I am so lucky.
What was your most embarrassing moment?
One of my most embarrassing moments has to be when I was at university. After having a few too many drinks I challenged one of my friends to a race through Leeds city centre. (In heels I might add!) We were running and I didn't realise that there was a bus stop with the clear plastic sides, I ran straight into it and knocked myself out. Mortifying.
Aside from property, what’s the most expensive thing you’ve bought?
Our wedding and honeymoon.
What is your most treasured possession?
I have three. All of my photos. I have millions from throughout the years as I am forever taking pictures. Secondly my cuddly rabbit which I have had since the day I was born. Thirdly is a letter my Dad wrote to me on my wedding day.
Where would you like to live?
I would like to live where we are now, but in a large house mortgage free. Or I have always fancied living by the seaside but I would miss my family too much.
What’s your favourite smell?
I love the smell of vanilla and baby talcum powder.
Who would play you in the film of your life?
I don't particularly look like any actress so I would have to say Natalie Portman just because I think she is an amazing actress. (Believe me don't get any ideas that I look like her....we couldn't look less alike!)
What is your favourite book?
I love all the Roald Dahl books because they remind me of my childhood. Recently I would say 'The Lovely Bones' and 'Room.' I don't know if it is because I am a new mother but I was mesmirised by 'Room' and the way in which the author wrote about maternal love.
What is your most unappealing habit?
I say 'What was I going to say?' all the time. Its like my brain doesn't connect with my mouth sometimes.
What would be your fancy dress costume of choice?
I love any fancy dress. I am going to a hen weekend in a few weeks and the theme is 'sexy ladybirds.' Not great when you still have a baby tummy!
What is your earliest memory?
Falling through a window when I was three. My babysitter was looking after me and I ran to her to ask her to read me a 'Thomas the Tank Engine book.' I went to jump over the dog and as I did he stood up and I smashed through a glass window. I remember them rushing me to hospital and I can still see the blood. They stitched me up and called my Grandma because in those days they didn't have a mobile phone number to get hold of my mum. I remember sitting on her knee and eating smarties.
What is your guiltiest pleasure?
Chocolate buttons.
What do you owe your parents?
Everything. Their whole life they have put me before anything. I can never thank them enough.
To whom would you most like to say sorry, and why?
No one in particular, I would like to think if I have ever done wrong by anyone, that I have apologized already. I am not perfect but if I have done something to upset someone I hope that I have made it up to them.
What or who is the greatest love of your life?
My husband.
What does love feel like?
Love is waking up everyday and looking at your family and just feeling like the luckiest person in the world. I would do anything for them. That's love.
What was the best kiss of your life?
All the one's with my hubby. And the first time I kissed my daughter.
Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
'What was I going to say?' 'Sorry.' 'Clutching at straws.'
What is the worst job you’ve done?
I worked in a factory when I was 18 to earn some money before university, I had to package Game Boy games.
If you could edit your past, what would you change?
Not chopped and changed in my career so much. I still don't know what I want to do.
What is the closest you’ve come to death?
I have never come really close to death.
What do you consider your greatest achievement?
My daughter.
When did you last cry, and why?
The other evening, we couldn't settle Mads and she was crying a very strange painful cry and nothing we could do would comfort her. I panicked and didn't like it so I got a bit upset.
How do you relax?
Sauvignon Blanc, a nice bath with candles and a good book, and a nice massage from Mr E.
What single thing would improve the quality of your life?
More money. I know they say money doesn't buy happiness but I am already happy as it is, the only thing that ever causes stress is money. We both earn reasonable money but we have a large mortgage and other outgoings. I would love to win enough to move to a bigger house, pay off my mortgage and do a job that I really enjoy without having to worry that I am not making enough money. Or I would like to own my own business. Money would also enable me to stay off work until Mads is ready to go to school. That would be amazing.
What is the most important lesson life has taught you?
Find a career that motivates you. And tell your family you love them everyday.
OK so apologies if you have already been tagged but I am going to tag-
Mummy and the beastie
Mummy Loves
I would really like to know more about both of you!
Last night I had my first real feeling of 'I am not very good at this' and I didn't like it one bit.
Mads was fine during the day and then around 6pm she started getting a little grouchy. I went off for a bath and Mr E was downstairs with her, he was cooking dinner while she was sitting in her bouncy chair. I could hear her getting more and more grumpy so I went downstairs to look after her.
She suddenly started screaming and screaming and there was nothing we could do to stop her. It was a cry unlike I have ever heard before. It was a high pitch shriek, followed by a brief pause, followed by more shrieks. I could tell she was in pain but I didn't know where or why.
I tried rocking her and this didn't work. I tried cuddling her, stroking her, singing to her, putting her on the floor and rubbing her tummy, I took her nappy off and moved her legs, I tried feeding her, both from a bottle and then from me. Nothing. She just was screaming more and more and nothing I could do would stop her.
This carried on for about half an hour, but it felt like an eternity. She was getting more and more worked up and her little face was streaming with tears. She was looking at me, her eyes looked so unhappy and I felt dreadful that there was nothing I could do. Eventually she stopped for all of ten minutes before starting again, this time more ferociously than the first. In desperation I rang the emergency doctors but was left on hold for ten minutes- by this time she had stopped again. We managed to feed her and get her to sleep in the end because I think she was so exhausted.
After she went to bed I just got so upset and Mr E didn't understand why.
What kind of Mum can't stop her daughter from crying? Was it something I had done? Had she got tummy ache from something I had eaten?
I then got panicked that she was going to be poorly in the night and I wouldn't know. What if she got a temperature and a rash and I wasn't aware because I was asleep?
I have had situations with her where I have been worried before but it was the first time that I felt like there was nothing that I could do and it was horrible that I couldn't help her. I felt like I couldn't comfort my own baby.
There are going to be a lot more occasions where I am going to question my parenting skills and I do know this.
The realisation dawned on me that myself and Mr E are going to mould our daughter into the child/teenager/adult she is going to become. Her destiny in a way is in our hands. We need to provide for her, give her a good home, a happy home life, and the emotional and physical support she will need in order to thrive.
We will need to pick her up and give her a hug when she falls off her bike, let her snuggle in our bed when she has had a bad dream, kiss away her tears when she has had a fight with her friends at school, try and make her smile when she has her heart broken by her first boyfriend. We will have to discipline her if she doesn't do well at school, or have stern words if she upsets someone, I will go shopping with her to buy her first prom dress and have tears of joy running down my face when she walks up the aisle.
When I look into her tiny little eyes I don't look to the future, I just look to the here and now and how remarkable and amazing she is. It's only when I stop to think about it, I realise what exciting, tough and downright scary times I have ahead of me.
No one said being a parent is easy, but at the same time it's the most incredibly rewarding job in the world.
And although I will have my wobbles, all I know is that I am going to love my daughter unconditionally for the rest of my life.
