For my Flashback Friday this week I thought I would relive two very special Christmas Day's.
I have always adored Christmas, when I was little it was for the presents (obviously!) and now it is because it is the one day of the year that life doesn't get in the way, I get to see all my family in one place, no one is rushing around here and there, and I have their undivided attention.
I had never spent a Christmas Day away from my family until two years ago and I have now done it twice in a row!
Christmas Day 2009 was the first time I had spent it away from them. Mr E and I had just got married on the 20th December and we flew out on our honeymoon to Mexico and Miami on the 21st so we were away over the whole of Christmas and New Year. It was a fabulous honeymoon and I loved every single second but it was strange not being with my family and opening our stockings together like we do every year! I have been abroad over Christmas once before, we went to Dubai, but I have never been away without them.
It was a magical Christmas. We woke up and each gave each other a gift that we had packed- mine was a charm for my bracelet and Mr E got a few different bits. My mum had also packed us a present each. We went for a lovely early morning walk on the beach and Mr E took this photo.
The beach was deserted which was lovely and we got a lone walker to snap the photo of us below.
We then lay by the pool and it was surreal because a saxophonist played Christmas songs while we were sunbathing and drinking champagne! Below is a photo we took to send to our family to wish them a Happy Christmas. (And also make them jealous!)
We then had a candlelit dinner on the beach in the evening which was amazing, we were the only ones on the beach and we drank a lot of champagne and wine and celebrated our first Christmas together as husband and wife,
Fast forward to December 2010 and it was a slightly different story!
Our beautiful daughter was born on Christmas Eve and I was in hospital on Christmas Day. Unfortunately the hospital had closed the ward to all visitors except your birth partner due to Swine Flu so my family couldn't meet Mads until we were discharged which upset me a bit. Also they were strict with the visiting hours which meant that Mr E had to go home at lunchtime. I enjoyed Christmas Lunch on my own while Mr E was round at my mums with all the family!
I got a midwife to snap this photo of me cause I just look so pitiful! I had to pull my cracker with the midwife and have my Christmas dinner alone! (Well Mads was there but she wasn't too entertaining!)
That thing on my plate was supposed to be stuffing but after the midwife said it looked like my placenta I decided to give it a miss!
Here is Mads getting in to the festive spirit!
Two very different Christmases but both absolutely amazing! This year we have promised my Mum that we will most definitely be there to drink and get merry with them all. I can't wait, we will all be there but this time we will have an extra special little person there to share it with. Christmas is going to get even more magical as she gets older because we can live the magic through her eyes. I can't wait to put out a mince pie for Father Christmas and a carrot for Rudolph.
Now head over to Cafe Bebe and check out the other entries in Flashback Friday this week.
Last night I had my first real feeling of 'I am not very good at this' and I didn't like it one bit.
Mads was fine during the day and then around 6pm she started getting a little grouchy. I went off for a bath and Mr E was downstairs with her, he was cooking dinner while she was sitting in her bouncy chair. I could hear her getting more and more grumpy so I went downstairs to look after her.
She suddenly started screaming and screaming and there was nothing we could do to stop her. It was a cry unlike I have ever heard before. It was a high pitch shriek, followed by a brief pause, followed by more shrieks. I could tell she was in pain but I didn't know where or why.
I tried rocking her and this didn't work. I tried cuddling her, stroking her, singing to her, putting her on the floor and rubbing her tummy, I took her nappy off and moved her legs, I tried feeding her, both from a bottle and then from me. Nothing. She just was screaming more and more and nothing I could do would stop her.
This carried on for about half an hour, but it felt like an eternity. She was getting more and more worked up and her little face was streaming with tears. She was looking at me, her eyes looked so unhappy and I felt dreadful that there was nothing I could do. Eventually she stopped for all of ten minutes before starting again, this time more ferociously than the first. In desperation I rang the emergency doctors but was left on hold for ten minutes- by this time she had stopped again. We managed to feed her and get her to sleep in the end because I think she was so exhausted.
After she went to bed I just got so upset and Mr E didn't understand why.
What kind of Mum can't stop her daughter from crying? Was it something I had done? Had she got tummy ache from something I had eaten?
I then got panicked that she was going to be poorly in the night and I wouldn't know. What if she got a temperature and a rash and I wasn't aware because I was asleep?
I have had situations with her where I have been worried before but it was the first time that I felt like there was nothing that I could do and it was horrible that I couldn't help her. I felt like I couldn't comfort my own baby.
There are going to be a lot more occasions where I am going to question my parenting skills and I do know this.
The realisation dawned on me that myself and Mr E are going to mould our daughter into the child/teenager/adult she is going to become. Her destiny in a way is in our hands. We need to provide for her, give her a good home, a happy home life, and the emotional and physical support she will need in order to thrive.
We will need to pick her up and give her a hug when she falls off her bike, let her snuggle in our bed when she has had a bad dream, kiss away her tears when she has had a fight with her friends at school, try and make her smile when she has her heart broken by her first boyfriend. We will have to discipline her if she doesn't do well at school, or have stern words if she upsets someone, I will go shopping with her to buy her first prom dress and have tears of joy running down my face when she walks up the aisle.
When I look into her tiny little eyes I don't look to the future, I just look to the here and now and how remarkable and amazing she is. It's only when I stop to think about it, I realise what exciting, tough and downright scary times I have ahead of me.
No one said being a parent is easy, but at the same time it's the most incredibly rewarding job in the world.
And although I will have my wobbles, all I know is that I am going to love my daughter unconditionally for the rest of my life.
So the title of this weeks 'The Gallery,' is Mother Love.
This is a great subject for me as I am currently in my little bubble of motherly loveliness that comes with having a new baby. I could literally put hundreds of photos of me and Mad's up, but instead I thought I would put one of myself and my mum up.
This is me with my beautiful Mummy on her wedding day last July. It was a wonderful day and one that I will remember for a long time.
There is actually two Mum's in the photo because I was 13 weeks pregnant when it was taken.
The day before her wedding had been our first scan and we had seen our little baby for the first time. My Mum had known from the day we found out but had been sworn to secrecy. My new stepfather announced the big news in his wedding speech which was a wonderful way for all our family to find out.
The sun was shining, myself and Mr E were thrilled and my Mum had a fabulous time so all in all it was a pretty fantastic day.
My Mum is my role model. Not necessarily because of what she has done career wise, but for being my Mum. She is truly a wonderful Mother to myself and my little sister and now she is a wonderful Grandma to Mads too.
I speak to her every day and now live just two minutes down the road from her, after moving around so much when I was in my early twenties because of University and jobs, its nice to now be settled and to be able to pop round for a cup of tea. She never gets off the phone without saying I love you and she gives the best cuddles!
She has also helped us so much financially after helping us towards a deposit on our house when we were struggling because mortgage's were so hard to apply for. She has made some huge sacrifices in her life to help us, and I couldn't be more thankful.
Above all though she is my best friend, and I adore spending time with her. I am so lucky to have her as my Mum and I can only hope that I can be as good a Mummy to my daughter as she has been to me.
Here's to mother love...!
I have been writing Mads letters every few weeks, I just buy a pretty blank card normally and write them in that, the first one I wrote was the night before she was born and I hope to continue them every few weeks until she is old enough to read them and know how much her Mummy loves her.
As it is Mother's Day tomorrow I thought I would post the most recent one on here-
Dearest Mads,
Well tomorrow is Mother's Day, my first one as a Mummy. This time last year you didn't even exist but now you are a fully functional little person who brings so much love and joy to our lives.
Today you are 14 weeks and 1 day old. I can't believe it, time is going so fast. I keep thinking that I can't possibly love you any more than I do but then you flash me one of your beautiful gummy smiles and my heart melts and fills with even more love than it did before.
Your growing and changing everyday. Daddy and I were looking at the photos on my phone this afternoon as we went for a coffee with you and we were marvelling about how much you had changed in just a few weeks. You have lost that newborn baby fat and instead have little chubby cheeks- perfect for kissing. (I wonder how many times I kiss you a day?)
You have the most beautiful, big blue eyes and my when you smile it lights up your whole face. Just in the last few days you have been trying to giggle, normally after I have fed you and we are lying there cuddling- its so funny and makes me laugh. Your not quite there yet but it won't be long.
Every morning I wake up and you are just lying quietly in your moses basket next to me. As soon as you see me, you start smiling and let out a little squeal and it is the best morning wake up call.
We have been doing lots of things together- we do Baby Yoga on a Tuesday, swimming lessons on a Wednesday, and visit friends on all the other days. Mummy relishes every single second with you- your my new best friend and the weeks are passing by so quickly as we are having so much fun.
You love playing under your mat- you like your purple hippo best, you stare at him and chatter away to him and have just recently started reaching up to try and touch all your hanging toys. You also love swimming and bath's, your happiest when your in the water. My little water baby!
You have a little seahorse in your moses basket that plays a song and in the night I find you cuddled up next to him- it never fails to send you off to sleep. You have always been pretty good at sleeping but the last few days you have been waking a bit more, we are wondering whether you are teething.
Tomorrow is Mother's Day and I truly couldn't ask for a more perfect baby to call my daughter. The love I have for you is truly unconditional and I would do anything for you, now and always. I have been lucky to have the most wonderful Mummy (your Grandma!) and I only hope that I can be as good a Mummy to you as she has been to me. I always wanted a daughter so I could share that special relationship like I do with my Mum, and I know that we will have it too.
I can't wait to see how you grow over the next few weeks until I write my next letter, but I just wanted to say for the millionth time how much I love you. We truly have been blessed and I can't still believe you are finally here. You are the best thing thats ever happened to me (besides from Daddy) and your the bestest Christmas present I have ever and will ever receive.
I love you to the moon and back,
Mummy xxxx
So for my first ever Flashback Friday I thought that I would write about one of the most important days of my life....the day I found out I was going to be a mummy.
Mr E and I got married in December 2009 and I was desperate to become a mummy and he a daddy so on our rather lavish honeymoon to Mexico and Miami (which we are still paying for!) we talked about starting a family asap.
Roll on four months later and we didn't realise it was going to happen quite so quickly...
I was away on my own in Bournemouth for a business trip. I knew that the dreaded Auntie Flo (sorry!) was due to be making an appearance on the Tuesday but I arrived in Bournemouth on the Sunday night and the whole way in the car I couldn't stop thinking about it. Was this going to be the month? Was there a little poppy seed growing in there already?
Me being me couldn't wait to test till Tuesday even though I had promised myself that I would this month. So as soon as I got to my hotel room I dug out one of my little white sticks. Even though they say to use first morning wee I thought I may as well give it a go and I wouldn't be disappointed if it was negative because firstly I was doing it in the evening, and secondly I was two days early testing.
I sat down in my rather swanky bathroom (one of the perks of working in the travel industry- they always give you the nicest room) and did my business.
I felt nervous waiting the two minutes and put it on the sink and told myself not to peek.
Obviously I didn't wait the two minutes, I got as far as about thirty seconds, and then I tentatively picked the test up to have a look.
This is what I saw.....
Yes this is the actual stick- maybe a bit strange to take photos of it but I think I was a little delirious at the time.
When I saw this, I actually felt like I was going to faint. I didn't think that it was going to be positive if I am honest, and so I was a bit shocked and I didn't really know what to do or how to react.
Here I was in a hotel room in the middle of Bournemouth, Mr E was miles away at home none the wiser and now I wasn't quite sure what to do.
So I did what everyone would do in my situation...
I danced around the room. Literally. I danced around and shrieked and actually jumped on the bed.
Then after a few minutes of doing this I did what every insane newly pregnant woman would do. I peed on another little white stick. Just to check.
Then I danced and shrieked and jumped on the bed some more because the two little lines appeared again.
After this I was faced with a dilemma. What to do now? There was no way I was going to tell Mr E over the phone as I wanted to see his face when I told him I was growing a little person in my tummy.
I hadn't thought of this. Now I was in Bournemouth with lots of business meetings planned until Thursday and it was only Sunday. That was a lot of sleeps till I was due home.
So I did what every insane newly pregnant woman would do. I went to the supermarket and bought more little white sticks.
And over the course of four days I peed on a lot of them. And lots of lines appeared. Some words too on the fancy digital ones. All showing the same clear message- that I was going to be a mummy.
And I took a lot more photos!
Those few days were probably the most exciting, happy and frustrating of my life as I couldn't wait to go home and tell Mr E.
Eventually Thursday came and I must have gone about 90mph down the M25 to get home. (I don't advocate speeding but this was an emergency!)
Finally I got home and Mr E was chilling on the sofa. I sat down and finally got to tell him the news- he was going to be a daddy. The look on his face was priceless and worth the four days of torture.
Unfortunately I don't have a photo of that!
