Tuesday, 12 April 2011

How long should I wait to have my next baby?

Mads is only 15 weeks old and I have already had the inevitable question.

'When are you going to have another one?'

In fact I have been asked this question since she was just a month old.  A month!  My stitches on my c-section hadn't even healed and I was sleep deprived, fat and engorged.  I couldn't see myself wanting another child in a hurry, however amazing Mads was.

Fast forward a few weeks and it is a totally different story!  The summer is coming, Mads is at a brilliant age and I am starting to get more sleep.  I have got the hang of this Mummy malarky (sort of) and could totally see myself wanting another baby.

The question is when?

A lot of my friends are saying they want children really close together.  I can understand that.  Ideally I would like to wait until Mads is a year and then start trying for our second one.  However Mr E would like to wait until she is around two before we start again.

I just don't know.  What age gap is best?  I know I want to enjoy Mads without feeling fat, tired and sick from being pregnant again. However I am also aware that just because it was easy for me to get pregnant the first time, doesn't mean it will happen so easily again.

My mum had no problems conceiving me but then it took her another ten years of actively trying to have my sister.  They went for lots of tests and there didn't seem to be any problems- they put it down to 'unexplained infertility.'  Eventually my sister was born, and even now because there are almost ten and a half years between us, people always assume she is a step or half sister.

Another thing people always ask is whether we have any sort of bond because there is such a large age gap.  They assume that we have nothing in common and that we aren't close.

This is completely wrong.  In fact my little sister is one of my best friends.  She has my exact same sense of humour, and is a wonderful Auntie to Mads.  When I see her we just laugh constantly.

Here we are, then and now!

I happen to think that it is completely your choice and I find it quite frustrating when people constantly ask me when I am going to have my next one. It has been like that throughout mine and Mr E's relationship.  When are you going to get engaged?  When are you going to get married?  When are you going to have a baby?  Now when are you going to have another baby?  I want to enjoy this one thank you very much!  

We will start trying for our second one when we are good and ready, hopefully it won't take ten years, but even if it did, I know that our children will have a close bond because we are a family that are full of love and closeness.  


The Real Supermum said...

I have Nakita aged 12, Casey aged 8, Cameron aged 7, Kia almost 3, Kaiden almost 2 & Kody almost 1 x You can guess what my answer would be x

Anonymous said...

Not a year and a half! I've found it quite hard. No sooner were the sleepless nights better, I was pregnant again and not sleeping. Plus then you get two who can't do anything for themselves. I've heard 3 years is least stressful but leave it at least 2!! I'm sure it will be nice when they are old enough to play together though. X

Mrs E said...

Its really interesting because everyone has different views about it, I really don't know! I just know I would ideally like a couple of years between them.
Do all yours get on well Emma? (well most of the time!) x

Frankie P said...

I have a 3 year gap and it works for me as the eldest wasn't that demanding on my time as he understood that i had to look after the baby. Now (almost) 5 and 2 they play brilliantly with each other..

Anonymous said...

I've just had my second - now he's 6 weeks and Tori is 20 months. It's a bit mad but I love it. Plus it gets all the nappy stage out of the way at once - no getting one baby out of nappies and then starting all over again with the next.

Saying that there's ten years between me & my brother and sister too (only 19 months between them though - I was a bit of an alcohol induced accident!) and we're all best friends now.

Just do whatever's best for you xx

Mrs E said...

I think whatever happens you will cope with the outcome. I definately want them close together just not too close! Just have to persuade my hubby to start before 2!

nikki said...

my older two are two and a half years apart and they are really close. saying that my son (the oldest,9) is brilliant with the twins. i think you will know when the time is right,however far apart they are x

emmaand3 said...

21 yrs between me and my bro - full bro, not half not step (not that it matters anymore or less and i wouldn't care)but people never belived he was my bro. we are very close, i adore him and he argues with me like any other sibling would too!!

Age differences - whatever.
I have an 11, 7 and 17month old. it works for us!!

Bec said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog, thought I'd pop by and say hello. I have a 2.5 year age gap, great in some ways hard in others. I honestly think the perfect gap is a MYTH so just do it when it is right for you guys :o)

Alysonsblog said...

Im a gaps kinda girl - I have 6 year gaps between my 3 girls and I have to say I love it, Ive never had more than one in nappies at the same age, and when the new baby came along the others were always at school age so I got one on one time with the baby - I know there are arguments both ways but there is NO rush - do what works for your family - it is YOUR family after all

Mrs E said...

Thanks Alyson- this is very true. x